Caribou Lou

[Ford Prefect]

Name: Caribou Lou
Occupation: General in the Imperial Armed Forces
Place of Origin: On a Casino space station
Brief Background: Caribou Lou grew up most of his life hopping from one space platform to another watching his Father spend money till he was broke. Finally in a desperate attempt by his Father he was sold to some slavers to help load cargo on their ships. After his involuntary servitude was up he went on to become a low level bounty hunter. Caribou Lou distraught at not making it big decided to join the Empire a month before the battle of Endor. He has stayed on ever since rising to the rank of General.

[Ford Prefect]

Caribou Lou was sitting in a chair at a very long table, which was very glossy. There were about a hundred people altogether at this meeting with the board of trustees. Papers were thrown about the room, which seemed to have been built solely for the purpose of putting a giant table in it and coffee cups were littered all over the table itself creating stains on some peoples papers. At the one end of the table stood the president of Scagway Industries and at the other sat one of the most powerful board members.

"I think I speak for the rest of the board members when I say that we have no longer any confidence in your abilities to run this company." Said the trustee

"Is that so then tell me who you think is better fit to serve in my place if I am to leave?" The president wondered

"That is not what this meeting is about." said the board member

"Well I say we have a vote right here right now as to who supports me and those who support the board of trustees." The president demanded as he slammed his clenched fist on the table.

"Very well all those in favor of the current president staying please raise your hands."

Caribou Lou raised his hand along with a scant few others.

"And those in favor of his resignation."

Many more raised their hands to this.

"There you have it the majority wins." said the trustee member

"Pffft good luck!" Said the president as he walked out of the meeting room.

The room became very sullen and quiet until the board member at the end of the table who started the vote began to clear his throat.

"Although we won the majority of the vote it seems as if Mr. Lou still holds a significant portion of the scagway armada." Said the board member, "I hope you will side with us now that we have concluded todays business."

Caribou Lou stood up from his chair.

"As far as I see it what you and the rest of the board of trustees have done is do exactly the opposite of what the founder of this company intended, which was to leave the whole of the industry to the current president." Caribou Lou lit a cigarette and continued, "So now that the president has been usurped of his position that was bestowed upon him by the founder's will I see that I have no choice but to reverse this situation by using every means possible."

"I see well this is unfortunate, but I must say that if we can entice you to stay on that it may be possible for you to become the next president." The board member took an ominous tone for what he was about to say next, "But if you choose to ignore our good graces and take up arms against us then we have no choice but to retaliate using the full extent of this company's resources to put out this insurrection."

With that Caribou Lou flicked his cig on the floor and stomped the light out with his shoe. He nodded to the elderly gentleman that was speaking to him and left the room.

So began the terrible rift in Scagway Industries.

[Ford Prefect]

Scagway is a company that manufactures and produces weapons, military vehicles, food products and of course coffee.
Scagway had enjoyed great profits during the Empire's reign, but also annoying restrictions on what it could sell. So with the empire fallen it was able to have more flexibility in its sales of its products.

The founder of Scagway, Yossarian, had created a great company but it was becoming a popular target for mercs hired by its competitors and pirates. The only solution to this inherent problem was to beef up its security force to protect the company's merchant fleet better.

So Scagway Inustries created the Scgaway Armada which now had a great number of capital-sized ships and fighters to do the job of protection. The problem of pirates and mercs quickly subsided and an idea was brought up at a board meeting with Yossarian and the Trustees. Why not use the Armada to attack their competitors and not have to worry about them ever again? Good idea indeed. So began the great competitor wars. Although they were successful at destroying almost every competitor known on the market their fleet had diminished in size and pirate attacks began to become too frequent now especially with its fleet stretched out more now than ever.

So a deal was struck with Caribou Lou and Yossarian the Founder and president of Scagway Industries. The deal was simple Scagway will share a quarter of its profits along with giving Caribou Lou control of its coffee market. In exchange Caribou Lou would protect Scagway from any harm using his Imperial ships that were assigned to him.

Now Scagway was making incredible profits so much so that the money that was given to Lou he used to market a product of his own, Caribou Lou cigarettes. The product was hot. So hot that it killed the president of the company who decided to take up the habit as a sign of good faith to Caribou Lou.

A truly sad event but the company kept on doing extremely well despite the founder's death and quickly filled the vacant seat by his successor as ordained by Yossarian himself in his will. Everything was going well until the board of trustees and the new prez began having problems. The Trustees were worried that the continued alliance with an imperial officer would finally bring the New Republic senate to take action agianst the company. The new president was defiant of the board of trustees to sever the relationship and continued consorting with the Imperials.

Finally the tensions reached the boiling point and the board of trustees with the help of the New Republic seized control of the whole of the company that was Scagway. The new president with the help of the Imperials and Caribou Lou began to form a plan to win back the company and beat back the New Republic forces that were now gaurding the company's headquarters.

Soon the True Scgaway forces and Imperials will clash with the Board of Trustees and the New Republic.

[Ford Prefect]

The Scagway Forces led by Caribou Lou and the President were not doing too well against the increasing number of forces being thrown at them by the New Scagway company led by the board of trustees. The imperial faction Caribou Lou was in (led by good ole Araujo) was having its own war waged against the CGC Remanant and its notorious leader Cel.

The Scagway Armada had diminished in size since the outbreak of the Scagway Rift. All that was left were 4 VSDs, 3 SDs, 6 Dreadnaughts and 45 squadrons of an assorted craft, though some were not well equipped for battle.

Caribou Lou was looking at a screen that showed the location of his forces and the location of the New Republic forces that were quickly trying to close the gap between the two fleets.

"Sir we can't possibly go up against them again we will be wiped out for sure!" exclaimed a nervous ensign sitting at the console.

"Shut the hell up for crying out loud ima thinkin boy!" Caribou Lou wasn't actually thinking about the New Repubs but the lack of good coffee on his own flagship.

"Sir the Dreadnaught Mocha says its engines are failing." Said a comm officer.

"Mmmm Mocha......You there!" Shouted Lou

"Uh mm me me sir!?" stuttered what looked to be a janitor

"Yeah you I want you to get your space suit on and go help that dreadnaught by pushing it."

"Wha wh what but sir I couldn't possibly do that!"

"Alright alright get 30 men in the engine room to help you now get going or I'll demote you so fast to janitor you won't know what hit you!" screeched Lou

"Sir if we send out our engine crew, which will surely die from your crazy ass scheme anyway, who will monitor our engines in the meantime?" said a Lieutenant standing behind Lou

"...you know you're right Johansen...you really are correct...you...hit it on the nose my boy." said Lou with a sad tone

"Well thank you sir now I think the best course of action would be to evacuate the Mocha and set up some charges on board and leave it as a trap for the oncoming New Repubs." Said the Lt

"...thats...thats good but I think I.....I have a better Idea Johansen." said Lou as he began strolling the bridge

"what is it sir?" queried the Lt

"HOW about YOU go take the place of this chap right here in gathering up thirty of our engine crewmen and YOU push the goddam thing HUH!" screamed Caribou LOu

"You're crazy!" said the Lt and began running away like a panzy

"Damn right you need to be crazy in order to win a war," said caribou, "Now that we got the panzy Lt doing that job you whatever your name is can be my new Lt." As he said this pointing to the Janitor.

"Oh thank you sir!" exclaimed the janitor.

"No problem."

"uh sir?" asked a comm officer

"Yeah what is it?"

"Lt. Johansen and the 30 crewmen you sent out to help push the Mocha are now dead from the engines which just started back up." he said in a solemn voice.

"Why did you say that in such a solemn voice that is great news now we can get the hell out of here together."

"Uh right sir."

"Okay tell the engine crew to give this baby all they got cuz where we are going is straight to the Scagway HQ itself!!!!" Screamed Lou.

"...Sir we no longer have an engine crew remember you just sent them out to their doom."

"Oh...well then prepare to evacuate this ship and go aboard the Star Destroyer Java!" said Caribou

The war had paid a heavy toll so far not only taking countless number of lives but also the loss of sanity of a great man. Caribou Lou continues to evade the New Repubs strike force sent to eradicate them and finally put an end to this corporate insurrection. Though now with time running out and the Repubs ships closing in Caribou decides to make the most improbable plan of attack. To go straight for the Scagway Headquarters itself and capture the Board of Trustees.

To Be Continued...

[Ford Prefect]

The scagway armada headed by Caribou Lou was orbiting the planet that housed the Scagway HQ. The New Repub's forces finally caught up with them as well and began the final onslaught against the rebellious scagway ex-employees.

Caribou Lou's Dreadnaughts held at bay the NR mon calamari cruisers but already the NR cruisers were making headway through the blockade.

"Tell the rest of the VSD commanders to ram their ships into those cruisers of theirs that'll get em spooked!" Caribou Lou shouted into the comm link to his officer in charge of the battle raging over head of him and his small strike force on the planet's surface.

"Alright we won't be able to get through the HQ's walls without some kind of explosives or something to.....hmmmm ram it." said Lou

"What are you thinking sir?" asked one of his troopers

"Im thinkin Lincoln!" yelled Lou and again radioed to his officer coordinating the air and space forces.

"Yes that's correct I want squads 3 through I dunno 6 and 12 to do it okay?" Lou told the officer.

"Okay men sit tight this will be one heck of a show."

They waited and watched as 7 squads of fighters ranging from old x-wings, tie fighters, interceptors, and bombers began plummeting into the HQ building itself and the outlying walls protecting its exterior.

"Holy shit!" Exclaimed one of his sergeants

"Good men, they really were, hope they were as drunk as I am now" said Lou, "Come on now lets hurry on into the place before they reinforce it!"

Caribou Lou and 28 of his finest soldiers began running as fast as they could towards the fresh rubble created by their fallen comrades. Laser turrets still standing began firing relentlessly at the incoming strike force lead by Lou. Laser strikes were shooting up rubble all around them as they ran towards the large gaping hole on the side of the large structure that was the HQ.

They made it into the HQ but with 6 of their own dead or badly injured left behind on the burned rubble, but there was no time to help them now. Caribou Lou had been here countless times he just had to re-orient himself as to where exactly he was before making the decision of left or right. They turned right.

"Sir....*loud explosions* SIR!" Shouted the Officer in command of the air & space forces.

"What...*wheezing*..the fuck is it?!"

"We lost Dreadnaughts 2,4, & 6 all thats left is 3."

"Bring it to the surface of the planet and ram the sucker into the compound." said Lou

His soldiers began looking at each other with worried expressions on their faces.

"Uh sir won't that kill us if he does?"

Caribou Lou looked at the soldier blankly.

"On second thought captain just ram it into one of their ships yeah that'll do." said Lou to the Officer

"No offense sir but I am already directing our ships to surrender to the enemy it is no longer a fight we can win and frankly your suicidal tactics are appalling..." The Officer said and cut off soon afterward.

"That little bastard I knew I should've put that Janitor in charge!"

"What now sir?" asked his sergeant

"We go up these flight of stairs up to the main office where the board is currently convening and take 'em hostage."

So as Caribou Lou led his fledgling men up the HQ's 123 flight of stairs over head the last of his armada began shutting their engines and preparing to be boarded by the NR ships. In all there were one dreadnaught, 1 VSD and 15 star fighters left.

=53=

"Ugh no friggin water fountains on this floor either boys maybe 63 will be luckier." said Lou and they continued on

=98=

"........*coughing*.Where in the hell are we!"

"98th *panting* floor sir."

=110=

"How many have we lost sergeant?" asked Lou

"Sergeant?" he asked again

"Sergeant Miller passed out 10 flights ago sir its just us 5." spoke a soldier on the verge of collapse

"Oh *panting* well then *collapses* ahhh screw this I quit."

"Good *drops to the floor* idea...sir" said the soldier

Soon after the surrender of the Scagway armada that was led by Lou security forces of the Scgaway HQ stumbled upon the strike force laid out on the staricase scattered from floors 19 all the way to 110. They were rounded up and given plenty of fluids although not the fluids Caribou Lou had anticipated. After about 25 minutes arguing over why his body can only sustain itself through alcohol to the Maitre 'D he finally relented and took the water.

They were brought in front of the Board of Trustees soon after they were apprehended.

"What I don't understand Caribou Lou is why did you risk everything to come back here?" asked one of the board members

"Well sir I was thinking of kidnapping you, but then later I figured maybe I could take you up on your previous deal you offered me."

"What deal are you referring to?" asked the trustee

"You know the one where I stay on and possibly be promoted to the position of president of Scagway Industries."

"That was offered to you so you wouldn't go against us not after the fact you damn fool!"

"Oh....well it was worth the effort." said CL

"You lost hundred of thousands of men and trillions of credits worth of ships is that really worth this?"

"Geez you don't have to be so mean you know." siad CL

"Agh I've had enough of this." said the trustee

"Me too well it was fun lets go men!"

"All those you commanded are hereby set free for the simple fact that their commander was a lunatic, but as for you Caribou Lou..." said the Trustee member

"Send me to Tatooine that'll be pretty cool...i mean harsh...yes a harsh sentence ind...."

"Silence!" shouted the trustee member annoyed, "Im not sending you anywhere cuz you being alive would be like keeping a wounded animal alive to suffer."

"Ale me!" shouted caribou lou

"AND IT IS WITH GREAT SORROW THAT I MU....ahem...that I must sentence you to ....death."

"..."

"Any last few words?"

"I just said 'Ale me' like 5 seconds ago come on man let up."

"You know I should be feeling sadness for doing this but i dont in fact i am going to enjoy this." said the trustee

"I'm not seeing any of your guards leaving to get me my ale dude."

And so with that sentence being his last Caribou Lou was shot....repeatedly by the Trustee and the Scagway Rift was ended for good. And no he never got his ale. What a drag.

[Ford Prefect]

Seven years after the reconstruction of Scagway Industries...

Scagway Industries hasn't enjoyed much of the bull market of the galactic stock market. Ever since the end of hostilities between the True Scagway forces and the New Scagway forces the rebuilding efforts has drained a lot of its resources.

The new president Gerry Adams has taken over the company and is ruling it with an iron fist. He has created much controversy that some leaders of the subsidiaries of Scagway have begun to rebel.

So began the Second Scagway Rift...

"I thought you were dead." said a disgruntled employee of Scagway sitting in a darkened cantina on Corellia.

"Nah I was shot up yes but I was still eligible for the medical benefits of being a long term employee of Scagway so I took advantage of it and was rejuvenated." Said Caribou Lou

"wow." said Jim

"Yep it took 5 years for me to walk again too."

"Then why are you in a handicapped chair?"

"And lose the ability to park my cruiser in those magnificent handicap parking lanes?" caribou lou asked, " Not only that but I can use those spacious private bathrooms at Scagway."

"Wait a minute you still work there as well?" Asked Jim, the confused employee.

"Of course how else would i have gotten the medical benefits dummy."

"They didnt care that you led a rebellion against them?"

"of course they did but I didnt use Caribou Lou as my name to get it." Lou explained, "See as a precautionary measure I took up two names just in case something like this arose."

"So what is your name now?"

"Jim....Ganbi..or something like that." said Ganbi

"...that is my name!" exclaimed Jim

"What a coincidence."

"No not really since it must be you who has been sapping my medical benefits and why everyone doesn't believe I am Jim Ganbi!" yelled Jim

"Well I think I am a better at being Jim Ganbi than you are."

Jim pulled out a blaster and pointed it shakely at....himself?

"Don't shoot yourself man that is just crazy!" Said Ganbi

"WTF are you talking about I am aiming this at you!" Said Jim

"Look at the next sentence from the narrator and you will see it is saying you are pointing it at yourself."

Jim continued pointing the blaster at himself but with not as much confidence as before.

"The hell.....I didn't even know there was a narrator."

"Yup."

"Well why is it saying I am pointing it at myself when in fact it is you I am pointing it at?"

"Because you are Jim Ganbi and to shoot Jim Ganbi will.....well shoot yourself."

"But you aren't Jim Ganbi, I am, you are Caribou Lou"

"True but the name now being used is Jim Ganbi and there is nothing that can change that at the moment."

Jim Ganbi confused and totally pissed at the whole charade that he himself put on shot himself repeatedly.

Caribou Lou got up from the table and stumbled over to the bar and threw 5 creds on top of the counter. He then walked out of the bar and breathed in the fresh air of freedom.

You see In order to free himself of the charade of being Jim Ganbi he needed the real Jim Ganbi to cease to exist and to do that would be to pit Jim Ganbi against himself. Simple really. Now that he has shedded the fake skin of Jim Ganbi Caribou Lou was reborn. And just in time too because the Second Scagway Rift had begun after the Human Resources manager killed himself. Jim Ganbi.

[Ford Prefect]

"I thought he was dead!" Exclaimed Gerry Adams the President of Scagway Industries.

"Well it appears that after he was shot he told coporate doctors that he was Jim Ganbi his legal alias." said a secretary

"But weren't they told he was Caribou Lou the infamous leader of the True Scagway Forces?"

"Well yes but Lou had already switched his employee name tag with the Ganbi one so they disregarded the info the security guards told them."

"Well is he still dangerous?" asked the Prez

"tough to say I mean he doesn't have as much money as before and most of his contacts are dead." The secretary explained, "He and a few others are the last of the former True Scagway forces."

"I'd rather take no chances with this guy so lets grab him and the other former members and throw em in jail under false charges." said the prez jubilantly

"We know where at least two of them are"

"caribou Lou and who else?"

"An ex-janitor named Hanz Lunkwig and an ex-comm officer Ian Poltz."

"Thats three"

"Well....e don't know where Caribou Lou is at the moment."

"Then find him." Said the President in a menacing tone.

"Alright alright no need to be so menacing i mean im just the secretary jeez!" the secretary exclaimed and left the room.

"hmmm she seems pretty defiant maybe i should intern her....in my....bed...muahahahaha"

~Mr. Adams your mom is on line one~ buzzed the secretary

"Ugh now what..." said the prez

=Dagobah=

Caribou Lou looked inside the hut with a flashlight. He saw most of it was in order from when last he was inside it. He checked a box on a list he had with him and ran back to his yt-2400.

"Next stop tatooine." said Lou

=Coruscant= (The new location of the Scagway Headquarters)

"alright I called this emergency meeting together because of the growing crisis that is looming over Scagway....again." bellowed President Adams

"Again you were never apart of the first Rift!" said one of the subsidiary members of the company.

"Regardless of that minor fact we must'nt let it happen again." said the president

"What about the Subsidiaries of our company who have begun to withdraw their workers?" Asked one of the VPs

"Their leaders are being brought to the negotiating table to bring them into the light and to ensure them that war is not an option."

"What about Caribou Lou?" asked a reporter hiding behind a oversized fake plant.

"...Since when did we begin hiring plants?"

"Uh...sorry Mr. President I just wanted to report this scoop to...." the reporter was cut off by Adams

"Im not talking to you boy im talking to the plant over there." he continued, "Now mr. plant what is it you wanted to say?"

The room fell silent and everybody looked at the plant as if it would actually say something. Just when they were about to turn their heads to the president it did.

"Hi!" said the plant

Everyone was stunned and some shrieked out loud.

"Quiet down you bastards let the man speak."

"Thank you sir I just wanted to say 'FOR CARIBOU LOU!" It Yelled at the top of its.....stem and exploded spraying green crap all over the place.

"Damn it to all hell!" screamed the president

"now is everyone alright?" he asked

"yeah there doesnt seem to be any real damage since he basically just spewed out his innards all over." said the reporter who was closest.

"So i guess that answers your question now doesn't it?"

"Yes sir" said the reporter and ran out with green crap all over his clothes and face.

"What a panzy" said the president and continued the meeting with no further interruptions although the whole building was told to remove any and all plant life. Although the joke being on them the waste baskets were the real culprits of the attack and only used caribou lou's name becuase it sounded cool.
:

[Ford Prefect]

Pension funds for Caribou Lou are totalled to be at approximately: $1,000,678 NR credits today.

The computer screen with its flickering white light showed this message to Lou who was pleased. He pressed the withdraw button on the right of the screen.

"Are you sure you don't want to invest in some other funds that are now available out our banking branch?" asked the machine

Lou pressed no and the machine began to process the order.

Processing...

Error Caribou Lou is deceased

Damn Lou thought it was worth a shot. He walked away and checked another box on his list. There were only two boxes left on the list itself.

=Coruscant=
--Scagway HQ--

"So we rounded up the waste baskets, plants, staplers and watercoolers in the building?" asked the annoyed President

"Yes sir we believe we finally have the whole building under control." said his secretary

"Finally we may get back to a 'real' crisis."

"Sir I just got word from a bank on Nar Shadaa that Caribou Lou's pension fund had an attempt to withdraw." said the secretary

"Hah now we got him send every available ship we got to that sector and inform the Hutts we want him alive."

"Why do we want him alive?" asked the VP Olgar

"Don't we?" asked the president

"The board of trustees tried killing him last time so it would seem only logical to finish the job this time." retorted Olgar

"Well whatever I just want him no longer a problem no matter what."

"Caribou Lou isn't the biggest problem sir." said a ship captain of the scagway fleet all the way at the end of the meeting table in the small room.

"Who said that?" asked the president

"Me..ME SIR SHIP CAPTAIN REILLY I AM..."

"Damn it man I can hear you I just had cotton candy in my ears before but now i can hear you so just speak normally."

"Oh alright ahem well like I was saying...."

"What?"

"Can you hear me?"

"Thats it i will not tolerate some jerk who can't stop yelling in my meetings you whoever you are are fired."

The Captain looked around the table dismayed at all the other employees who just shrugged. He got up and walked out.

"Now lets get back to business."

"Sir what about the Leaders of the Skagway Enterprises?"

"Who are they?"

"One of our off shoots of this company we just substituted the 'c' with a 'k' to hide the insurmountable shame that comes with this company's name." explained the secretary

"Ahh thats a good move." said the prez

"They have rallied enough support to really hurt our sales as if they weren't already bad."

"Speaking of sales we need a fresh new sales executive that can really bolster our sales of coffee and blaster rifles."

"But what about the subsidiares that are threatening to secede from our company?"

"Pfffft just send our Scagway Armada to declare marshall law and if they try anything blast 'em."

"But that will start a war which you assured the shareholders that would never happen."

"Blast them too."

"....very well sir." the secretary left the meeting room and took out a corellian bottle of rum and drank it down in gulps.

[Ford Prefect]

Under the management of Gerry Adams Scagway began a series of crackdowns throughout its company. The subsidiaries revolted and withdrew from their parent company and melded into their own company under the name Skagway Enterprises.

The Scagway Armada was sent out to both the Nal Hutta system and to stop the revolt within the company. Although the Armada itself didn't catch Caribou Lou since he was already gone by the time they got there.

What Gerry Adams didn't know was that Caribou Lou could care less about Scagway any more. Whats more is that while Adams was busy waging war on his own company and Caribou Lou & Associates he never once noticed his account was being accessed by Lou.

How did he do this you might ask? Simple. Every Scagway president has an account and as tradition goes they always use the same password: Brew. Of course nobody is supposed to know this unless you are the prez or former prez. But Lou had helped the Second President in the first Rift war against the board of trustees and had learned of this little fact then. The Second President although was re-instated and Lou was shot.

So when Lou got out of the hospital and lost the name of Jim Ganbi he remembered this tidbit of info and is now using it.

"Sir someone is accessing your account and basically wiping it out." said the secretary.

"Not now damn it theres a war going on if you hadn't noticed!" yelled Adams.

"But some of our sources have identified Caribou Lou the one who is hopping from one bank to another."

"Wait if he is doing that then all we have to do is look at what bank he hasn't gone to yet and set a trap for him there!" Adams said gleefully.

"Well we could've done that but he already visited all of the banks and withdrew all of your assets."

"Shit."

"You are basically broke and powerless."

"Im still president at least."

The secretary went over to the president and and took off his name tag and replaced that with hers.

"No now you are my secretary and I am the president." she said

"You can't be serious?" said Secretary Adams

"The narrator already thinks you are my secretary and I the president." the new and first ever woman president of Scagway

"Damn i shoulda payed him off too."

"Now if you'll excuse me I would like to be alone in my new office."

"Would you like any coffee Miss....."

"Miss Abigail Folgers."

"FOLGERS!" screeched Adams

" Muahahahahaha" laughed Folgers maniacally

[Ford Prefect]

Gerry Adams knocked on the steel door of a house on Tatooine. Caribou Lou opened it.

"Hey Gerry!" said Lou

"Hey Lou can I come in?"

"Yeah come on in." He motioned Gerry in

They sat across from each other Lou in a chair and Adams on a couch. Then Gerry spoke.

"Theres bad news at the corporation Lou." he said sullenly

"The company split I heard..." Lou replied

"Oh no it is much worse than that now...you see Folgers has taken over our half." Adams hung his head low

"Folgers?" asked Lou rhetorically, "Those bastards."

"I need your help Lou I know you stole my millions but I will be willing to drop the charges if you just help get the company back."

"Millions?" Lou said confused, "I didnt steal your millions."

"But my secretary said that you.....crap...she took it but said it was you."

"Your secretary stole your money?"

"She is Folgers Lou she set us up and pretended to be my secretary."

"Ah even if I had stolen it why would I be here in this squalid little shack?"

"Good point." Said Gerry as he looked at the table hunched over with its one leg.

"Well theres not much I can do since I gave up the whole guerilla war fighting and Scagway."

"Come on Lou you were the....best we need you."

"We?"

"Well I don't have anyone with me yet but once I tell them I am willing to get Folgers out and put scagway back together Im sure I will get the rest of the company employees support."

"Look as much as I would love to fight Folgers I am not your man."

"Then who?"

"Yossarian."

"The first president and founder of Scagway Industries?"

"the very one."

"But he died long ago and his death brought on the first Scagway Rift."

"Of course he is dead!"

"Then why suggest him?"

"He is ghost on dagobah like Obi-wan and Yoda was a matter of energy and force crap."

"Wow i didnt know he had the force."

"He didn't he just won the force from some other dead Jedi in a game of sabaac."

"Huh go figure."

"Yep and he is friggin bored and annoyed he is just sitting on a log looking out towards a lake on dagobah whistling the old Scagway theme song."

"Can't he go to other places."

"I asked him that too but he jus said people kept bumbing into him wherever he went."

"So I go there and he will give me answers that will help get me the company back?"

"Maybe I only know is that he told me to tell people to go search for him there cuz he is lonely."

"Oh well I will go anyway."

"Cya"

"Later"

=Dagobah=

Ex-President Gerry Adams landed on Dagobah in a dingy tow boat at a space ship pawn shop.

He got out of his ship and walked over to a rock and looked a a map that a tour guide gave him at the space port at tatooine.

Then he began hearing a whistling tune in the woods off to his right. He put the map away and strolled over to where the sound was. The whistling stopped and he was about to turn away when all of a sudden a burst of music poured forth from a Honky Tonk piano they use in western movies and a terrible voice that strained to sing. It was Home on the Range.

Gerry got closer and saw a glowing shape of guy playing a piano wildly bobbing up and down as he sat on the bench. It was Yossarian alright.

"Um...ahem Mr Yossarian sir?" asked Gerry

"Home Home on the Range de da da de da dum...." Sang out Yoss

"Uh sir can I speak to you a moment."

"....Da..da..dum.....ahhhhhhhhh friggin-a-mother-fucker-pinstripe-panzie-son-of-a-trucking-ant-hill-saxophone-bastard!!!!!" yelled Yossarian.

Gerry was amazed at the long expletive that sprang forth from the ghostly visage of Yossarian founder of Scagway.

"Yeah what is it?" Asked Yossarian ticked off

"I need help reclaiming Scagway from Folgers and the subsidiaries who split from us to form a new comany."

"Can't help you there sorry."

"But surely you can give me advice?"

"Don't sleep with your boss's wife."

"I didnt in fact I was the boss before i got swindled."

"Did Lou send you here?"

"Yes"

"Did he give you my money?"

"Money?"

"That low life scum bucket mother filling bastard!" he roared

"He took money from you?"

"No I was just hopin he gave you some money to give me."

"Oh well if you wont help me i might as well leave."

"You cannot leave."

"Why not?"

"Your tow boat just sank."

"Can't you raise it out of the swamp with those force powers you won?"

"I ran out of those a while ago."

"Then how are you still in this energy form?"

"Oh that I just quickly put this battery from this flashlight Lou left me and a few paperclips and a phonograph and voila a permanent visage of energy and force."

"How did you figure out to do that?"

"Geez man watch McGiver once and a while won't you."

Gerry sorely disappointed by his visit was unfortunately trapped on Dagobah and died a lonely death after the battery ran out shut off the Yossarin visage. Lou lived out his life in bondage to a Hutt and what a bondage it was. Abigail Folgers ruled Scagway for years and after she took the reigns of the company investors were pumped up and began re-investing.The name Folgers helped boost confidence in investers since at least someone successful was running the company now. The subsidiaries rejoined soon after and Scagway was whole again.

[Ford Prefect]

Yossarian, future founder of Scagway, was walking into a hangar on coruscant. He was working for the Black Sun as supply manager. There was a bunch of workers loading a bunch of crates and boxes into a yt-1800.

It was a simple job for Yossarian and best of all it paid considerably well. Especially since he was selling the supplies to pirates instead of the customers he was told to give it to. There was one law in the organization he worked for that exempted him of being chastised or fired for his treachery. Basically that a supply manager is not responsible for who lands in a hangar and is supplied just as long as he does his job according to protocol.

After a while he saved up enough creds and bought his own freighter and began loading it up with his own employers supplies. They were usually armaments, explosives, food, and sometimes alcohol. He then set up his own shop not too far away from the hangar he worked from and sold them to the public.

Thats when he got jailed. Not from selling weapons to the public and children but j-walking. Oh how the emperor hated J-walkers! He served his 3 years on Kessel and returned to find his shop was looted and his old supply managers job was taken over by a droid which also sold the supplies to pirates and started its own shop selling the supplies it stole from the Black Sun to the public.

Yossarian was now broke, unemployed, thirsty, hungry and a bit chilly, which only made him more hungry by the thought ofthe word. Chilly. He needed a new job of course but where? He decided to work for the droid that took his old job. After a few terse words wich spewed forth from the droid he was given the job. His job was basically being a register clerk. It wasn't long after Yossarian began looting the store a little at a time. And when the droid became suspicious he just deactivated it and reprogrammed it to think it was working for yossarian.

He then changed the store's name from the droid's Beep Bleep Beep to Scagway. He never could remember what he called his store before he was jailed but always stated later that it was something way so he figured on Scagway.

If you are thinking his little shop on Coruscant built up to become Scagway Industries you are mistaken. He loses that shop on coruscant and the droid by owing too much money to loan sharks. He also creates many other shops and stores always naming it with a word ending in -way. Only later in life does he create the scagway from this story and he re-uses Scagway because he forgot he had used it before.

[Ford Prefect]

John Clydesdale was on his way to work when he noticed his rival company, Scagway, had a closed sign on its front doors.

"What the hell?" he said to himself in a low voice

He walked across the street and stood in front of the tall steel doors and examined the closed sign. It read:
[glow=red,2,300]Closed....Forever....Maybe[/glow]

"I don't believe it I won!" He shouted with glee and ran back to his own corporation directly across.

John Clydesdale was the owner/founder of Clydesdale Inc. and his business sold everything opposite that Scagway sold. Scagway sold coffee so naturally Clydesdale sold tea and Scagway sold cigarettes so Clydesdale sold Cigars and so on and so forth. He had been waiting for years to see Scagway fail and today was his day.

"Ha!" John exclaimed as he held in his hand a news paper, showing it to his workers, with the headline:
[glow=red,2,300]Scagway out of business?[/glow]

"Hey I didn't know they have glowing print on news papers now." said a surprised worker at his cubicle.

"Yeah they just started that on some but scientists say you can get cancer from it and it can burn your retna if you look at it too long." explained another woker two cubicles in front

"MY EYES!" yelled a worker who fell out of his chair.

"You think thats cool check this out [glow=red,2,300]I can speak in glow form![/glow]" said a worker who had on a shirt that read: Glow rocks!

"Glow sux man and more to the point you suck!" said someone from behind him

"Alright Alright you shitheads shut the hell up!" Intervened Clydesdale finally.

"Scagway is out of business and we can finally celebrate and I want to thank you all for a job well done." he said

"But it isn't definite though it just says it maybe closed forever?" asked a confused worker

"No company closes on the first day of a weekday unless its a holiday and today ain't no holiday."

"But sir if Scagway trully is out of business then what happens to us?"

"What do you mean we continue what we always do, which is cheat the workin man out of his money."

"We're an anti- Scagway business though how can we compete with every other company that sells the same stuff we do?"

John clydesdale opened his mouth to answer but he said nothing and only looked dismayed after realizing that the worker was right. Clydesdale Inc was just an anti-Scagway
company. Every store Scagway opened Clydesdale opened one directly across from it. How will he know where to put his stores now? And what about the Anti-Scagway slogan beneath each of his stores signs? Why would any customer continue to shop at his stores now that the sole reason why they shopped there in the first place was gone? It seemed Scagway was a curse and a blessing. But now what?

He took something out of his pocket and aimed it at the employee that brought him dispair and shot him.

"Well i'll be in my office." He said and left them staring at the body.

"Hey look he's got glow blood!" shouted an emplyee